An Esther Moment

I struggle.  Sometimes.  A lot.  I wonder about so many things.  I worry about too many things.  I ponder God's plan and purpose for me.  My life, right now, is certainly not how I had "planned" it to be {but then, there is that old saying "We plan, God laughs"}.  It isn't a complaint, it certainly is not a regret.  It is simply a ponder.


I understand and fully accept that, right now, God's plan for me is to take care of my Daddy.  And while I understand His plan, I don't understand His purpose.  The disease of Dementia has consumed my Dad...... my brilliant Dad, a Biblical scholar, the smartest man that I know.  So much knowledge that it would boggle your mind.  Now, he sits and watches TV..... all.  day.  long.  Sometimes he has clarity, but those times are becoming more rare.  So I wonder.  Why has God allowed this disease to steal not only my Dad, but a brilliant, selfless servant of His?  What is the purpose?

But, alas, maybe the purpose is not for my Dad.  He has fought the fight.  He has finished the race.  The master has said, "Well done, my good and faithful servant!"

Perhaps, just perhaps, His purpose is for me.  Maybe this journey is for me to learn, to grow, to become selfless.  So, I search and I pray, trying to understand and trying to learn from this possible lesson.  I may not know the answers to my pondering for a long time, if ever, but this one thing gives me strength and courage.....